I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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