In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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