That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
