You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
