Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
