YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
