Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
