Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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