I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
