dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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