he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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