The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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