I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
