you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
tell me about the eggs
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
