I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
