Already got asked if we're dating
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
