I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
