Kiss
Puke
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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