this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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