Your dad touched me again.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
