I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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