Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
