I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
