i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
