Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
