did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
