If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
