Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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