The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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