fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
