Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
