I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
