Rock
Scissors
Fuck
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
did you just send me my own nude
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
