Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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