Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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