i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
