kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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