Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
