"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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