the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
