It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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