sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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