Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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