As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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