so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
