Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
