i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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