i permit you to call me
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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