Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
