Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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