i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she smelled like a LAN party
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
