Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
