Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
