Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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