I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
