i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
